Entries Tagged 'wtf' ↓

I’m not sure what is more interesting about this little gem of photojournalism - that a Rear of the Year award actually exists, or that the male recipient of this award doesn’t seem to have much of one.

And just in case you are curious about this highly prestigious celebration of superior posteriors, I bet you didn’t know that this was the 25th annual Rear of the Year competition and it’s actually a “highly respected charitable organization”. Their focus this year? You got it, bowel cancer.

In what is surely the least shocking news of the day, it appears that Brian Warner AKA Marilyn ‘Is This Douche Really Still Around?’ Manson, is super chivalrous. Oh, wait, I got that wrong. He’s actually an asshole.

The New York Post reports:

Spies at JFK Airport Friday morning spotted Manson with his Lolita-esque gal, Evan Rachel Wood, boarding a flight to LAX. “She was really weighed down with carry-on luggage,” said our tipster, “while he breezed right through security carrying nothing.”

I tried to give Evan Rachel Wood the benefit of the doubt but everything about Marilyn Manson seems icky and strange. Normally I take the high route and say, “Oh, well, you never really know what’s going on in a relationship unless you’re in the relationship” but when I see them together I see a scared little girl dating a controlling guy twice her age. Also he has a skeleton of a 4 year old Chinese girl.

I mostly just feel bad for her poor parents. How would you sleep at night knowing your little girl was getting boned by this guy? Seriously? Blech.

Okay, so I’ve never watched Rachel Ray’s show, so I really don’t know much about her aside from the fact that she cooks, has a scumbag boyfriend/husband, and always looks both sort-of cute and awkward in most of her photos.

In this winner of a photo, we see her in a see-through chocolate brown dress. And either she has a stain on the arm, or someone seriously needs to just open up their damn camera and clean the dust off their CCD. But something else is going on with her armpit and OH MY GOD what is WRONG with her BREASTS?

That can’t be… no… is it? No… well, maybe…

My vote is for chocolate. She made chocolate pasties and stuck them on her hoo-has. Because as a chef, she not only makes and eats food, she also wears it.

She’s pulled shit like this before but seriously this is on a whole new level. I just want to grab her by her fake hair and yell at her, “THAT IS A SHIRT! A SHIRT!! MEANING YOU MUST WEAR SOMETHING ON THE BOTTOM HALF!”

I am just baffled. Baffled! Who goes out dressed like that? And it’s actually a semi-cute shirt! How hard is it to throw on a pair of jeans?!?

I’m sorry, I know you are really into the rock’n'roll scene right now, but this “Native American reject meets a raver”look is just not working for me. You apply eye shadow to the part of your face that is on TOP of your eyes, not below. The feather is not hot. Your music isn’t either. I know this sounds harsh, but from the looks of your attire, that’s exactly what you need right now.

Gather around, readers, because today I present to you the most entertaining news story maybe ever.

Fox News reports:

Embattled NFL quarterback Michael Vick, facing federal charges related to his alleged participation in dogfighting, has been hit with a “$63,000,000,000 billion dollar” lawsuit filed by a South Carolina inmate who alleges the Atlanta Falcons star stole his pit bulls and sold them on eBay to buy “missiles from Iran,” FOX News has learned.

Oh, but there’s more:

Riches alleges that Vick stole two white mixed pit bull dogs from his home in Holiday, Fla., and used them for dogfighting operations in Richmond, Va. The complaint goes on to allege that Vick sold the dogs on eBay and “used the proceeds to purchase missiles from the Iran government.”

The complaint also alleges that Vick would need those missiles because he pledged allegiance to Al Qaeda in February of this year.

“Michael Vick has to stop physically hurting my feelings and dashing my hopes,” Riches writes in the complaint.

Riches wants $63 billion dollars “backed by gold and silver” delivered to the front gates to the Williamsburg Federal Correctional facility in South Carolina. Riches is an inmate at the facility serving out a wire fraud conviction.

Thank you, Fox News.

Melanie Brown has obviously picked a class act with new husband Stephen Belafonte. Actually, funny story, he changed his last name from Stansbury to Belafonte to hide his shady past.

What’s in his shady past, you ask? Well, for starters, he’s “chosen not to contest” charges of domestic violence against his last wife, Nicole Contreras.. which basically means he won’t even fess up to his anger problem. In fact, he simply refers to it as a “drunk, retarded night”. Classy!

Now it has been revealed that this distinguished lad actually beat a duck to death with a brick outside his home in Point Pleasant, New Jersey.

An Ocean County court spokeswoman said: “A warrant has been issued over unpaid fines and costs relating to an animal control offense.

“He will be arrested if he returns to the area.”

Another ex-lover has revealed Belafonte repeatedly cheated on her, saying: “He was a psycho and all-round weirdo.”

A pal of Mel’s insisted: “She knows he’s no angel.”

The only thing I can think of is that the duck kept Stephen up all night with his quacking, like in that Seinfeld episode with Elaine and the incessantly barking dog. I’m sure Elaine would be all for this duck-slaying if this really were the case, but it seems an unlikely scenario. Especially since the guy is already known as a psycho and all-round weirdo. Beating a duck to death with a brick fits the “psycho and all-round weirdo” bill perfectly if you ask me.

I’m sure PETA’s having a field day with this one.

(Source)

Behold the most amazing link of the day: Scientists keep moths in check by persuading males to be gay

Sometimes I obsess over evolution, and I try to deduce the evolutionary function of homosexuality. And population control makes a lot of sense, since the express purpose of human life is, depressingly, procreation. What to do with all that sexual drive if not make babies? Porn and orgies, sure, but we’re also wired to need love. So the most sure-fire way not to produce offspring is to mate long-term with members of the same sex. Woot!

That is most assuredly a callous portrayal of homosexuality, but it’s not too sunny on heterosexuality either, mind you. Anyway. That theory kind of breaks down when you get to the part where gay couples have children through science. But, then, as Kary Mullis says, “Evolution is over, the EPA is in control now.”

My favorite part of the linked article? “Moths have small brains and dreadful eyesight.” Oh, sure, so it was just that one time and they totally didn’t know what they were doing. Whatever, we’ve all heard that before.

You are what you eat?