Entries Tagged 'Tom Cruise' ↓

The only time Katie ever looks really happy is when she’s shopping with Suri by herself, and even then it’s probably drug (or freedom) induced - she is an actress after all. But this picture has just been added to the “Katie Holmes Looks Brainwashed and Unhappy” file.

Now, in her defense, it was taken after a lovely dining experience with her husband, Tom Cruise, so I’m assuming she’s probably very, very wasted here because it’s 2007 and you’d have to be wasted to dine with that nutjob.

But I don’t care how drunk my girl is, she looks out of it. I went to college. I’ve seen drunk girls. She’s not just drunk. My guess is that since she’ s signing autographs and being forced to look at lots of glossy photos of her from five years ago, she’s thinking (or at least, the last bit of unbrainwashed part of her way in the back of her brain is struggling to think), ‘Oh, shit. I really fucked it all up, didn’t I?’ And then she gets a little electroshock for even thinking that - hence the grimace.

So there you have it, folks. The team at Scandelirious has gotten to the bottom of this week’s Spooky Katie Holmes Photo.

While part of me really wants to believe that Katie’s probably just drunk, something about these photos really give me the willies. Katie seems so happy when she’s out and about with Suri, but in these photos with Tom taken August 2nd in St. Tropez, she looks dead in the eyes. I’m probably biased because I really, really, really do not like Tom Cruise. But she definitely looks a little downtrodden. Also, the conspiracy theorist in me finds the hovering light over her head a little disconcerting as well.

Here it looks like she’s dreaming of a better life far, far away as he grasps her hand and pulls her along. God, I hate how he does that. Why can’t they just walk around normally? Why is he always holding her hand and leading her around? SO WEIRD.

The look on his face here is SO CREEPY. Someone please save Katie and Suri!

Welllll what do we have here? Looks like TomKat’s doing a little bumpin’ and grindin’. I wonder if this was before or after the CupcakeFest? This photo has Middle School Dance written all over it. I’m not sure what’s more intriguing - the smarminess of Cruise, or the fact that Katie actually looks pretty sexy. And let me tell you, it’s hard to look sexy when a sweaty douche is humping you while dozens of onlookers simultaneously vomit a little in their mouths. I bet those cupcakes were even tastier the second time down!

In his neverending quest to creep us out, Tom Cruise is playing a Nazi in his next film. A Nazi with an eye patch, nonetheless.

I’m going to make a digression here about why I hate Tom Cruise. Half the time when this comes up in conversations with other people, they throw out the ‘Well he is kind of insane but he’s a great actor!’ comment, and then I take out a knife and stab them so they can stop spreading such stupid lies. Because he is NOT a good actor. He has been in several good films, but the truth is that he has very little range as an actor and is always Tom Cruise when you watch him in movies. Dustin Hoffman is a great actor. Bill Murray is a great actor. Tom Cruise is not a great actor.

Anyway, the point is, the only movie we all really want to see Tom in is a documentary about how he’s the head of scientology. There would be really fantastic little alien souls flying out of volcanoes and into Katie Holmes. It would be like Rosemary’s Baby, but with extraterrestrials. Instant classic.