Entries Tagged 'Paris Hilton' ↓

Paris Hilton cares about her “best friend” Britney Spears so much that she sent her a bouquet of chocolate roses. Ha! Talk about the most back-handed present ever! Bitch isn’t trying to cheer Britney up - she’s trying to expedite homegirl’s inevitable meltdown! Brilliant.

This whole article is pure comedy. From Actress Archives:

The Simple Life’ star supported the mother-of-two through her split from Kevin Federline in November by taking her out partying in Los Angeles to forget her problems.

Paris said last year: “I love her. She is the sweetest girl I know. She’s so down-to-earth. I just want her to smile and be happy.”
Paris’ publicist Elliot Mintz insisted the pair had become so close they were like “sisters” Mintz said: “What I’ve observed is that we have two extraordinarily powerful women who generate a tremendous amount of attention, money, and adulation and they’re tired of other people trying to ride on their coat tails. Paris and Britney have become like sisters.“

You know, I never thought of it, but they really are like sisters! I know that when my sister goes out wearing shirts as dresses and losing her children because she’s addicted to drugs, I always find the time to support her by sending her a bouquet of chocolate roses. No, wait - my sister’s 14. She doesn’t do those things. And if she did, I sure as hell wouldn’t send her chocolate roses to cheer her up - I’d send her a big can of Wake The Fuck Up and Start Taking Responsibility. Kind of like a can of Whoop Ass, but with less ‘Whoop’ and more ‘You’re Ruining Your Life and Career’.

Here’s Paris Hilton on David Letterman the other night. I can assure you - this video is worth watching. He is relentless and therefore hilarious. Paris starts to get seriously pissed off at one point. He drinks her new perfume at the end.

But it does. Maybe because I was one of the few people who occasionally stood up for the girl. At the very least I was fairly neutral about her.

But now? Now I can’t stand her her. This is enough to tip me over the edge. Because I hate Family Guy. With a passion. I think Cartman from South Park (which is a quality animated series, people, and I am not joking when I say that) really sums it up for me.

“Don’t you ever, EVER compare me to Family Guy, you hear me Kyle? Compare me to Family Guy again and so help me, I will kill you where you stand! Do you have any idea what it’s like? Everywhere I go: “Hey Cartman you must like Family Guy, right?”, “Hey, your sense of humor reminds me of Family Guy, Cartman!” I am nothing like Family Guy! When I make jokes they are inherent to a story! Deep situational and emotional jokes based on what is relevant and has a point, not just one random interchangeable joke after another!”
-Eric Cartman, Cartoon Wars Part I

Fast forward a bit into this clip to see for yourself… because it truly is a beautiful moment in television history.

Every day I impress myself by sinking to new lows in the shallow world of criticizing celebrities, and today is no different. My big thought of today is this: Paris is not only prettier but also more likable without makeup.

Now I know some of you are staunchly Anti-Paris, and I really can’t blame you.. what with the being racist and breaking the law and the narcissism and the lying and wearing really strange bathing suits and all. But I personally don’t find her terribly offensive, just vapid and entertaining. But when I see photos of her without makeup, something inside of me thinks ‘Hey, she’s not so bad! Just a normal everyday heiress living her life!’

Now might be a good time to mention that I have the day off and have been drinking heavily* since 8am. Suckers!

*Drinking coffee, my lovelies. Just coffee.

Leave it to Paris Hilton to wear a tank with a pink ribbon splashed all over it to send a message to the world that she has in fact changed her ways and become a better, more charitable human being.

You might want to look towards more convincing do-gooder Hillary Duff for pointers on how to appear genuinely caring and charitable. Here she is at the Herb Jamieson Centre in Edmonton, Canada on August1:

(Source)

“I ordered a Hummer Hybrid.” - Paris Hilton

To which a spokesperson for Hummer responded, “Such a car doesn’t exist.”

Here we have a…. black… Paris Hilton.

Thank you, oh thank you German website Promiblogger. Your undercover hacker mastery has made this Friday a truly wonderful one, indeed. For your spamming pleasure, here are the (supposedly) current email addresses of Paris Hilton, Nicole Richie, Kim Kardashian, and Lindsay Lohan:

Paris Hilton: parishilton[at]tmail.com, princessph[at]mycingular.blackberry.net, paris.hilton[at]californiamail.com, cherubrawk[at]gmail.com
Nicole Richie: foxyncr[at]gmail.com, NRiechiencr[at]aol.com
Kim Kardashian: kimdash33[at]gmail.com
Lindsay Lohan: djllohan[at]californiamail.com, labellavita7[at]gmail.com

How many email addresses does Paris Hilton need, I mean seriously?

(Source)