The Orange County Weekly has a disturbing article up outlining the collaboration between - wait for it - Lil’ Wayne and Zac Efron. Yes, I’m serious. The whole thing makes me want to vomit a little in my mouth, but here are some highlights:
“What’s up, my nigga?” Efron says, giving Wayne a pound, a hug, and then, to my astonishment, a full-on kiss, reminiscent of the one Wayne famously gave his surrogate father Baby last year. (Obviously, Efron is going to have to work harder to squelch rumors surrounding his sexual orientation.)
“I’ve been a big fan of Wayne for a long time,” says Efron, emerging from the embrace and cueing up a CD player. “These are the cuts we just finished. Dope, right?”
Fuck it. I’m just going to share the whole article because it’s that absurd. And, for the record, I am completely in love with Weezy F and find his part in all of this very amusing. It’s the Efron part that makes me want to vomit a little in my mouth. Why, Weezy, why??
I wish I could share his enthusiasm, but the songs are a bit jarring, to say the least. On “All for One,” Efron sings the chorus—“Everybody all for one, a real summer has just begun! Let’s rock and roll and just let go, feel the rhythm of the drums. We’re gonna have fun in the sun!”—while Wayne raps: “I’m a dog, you’re all a bunch of fleas on my dick. Driving a Jag, er, like my name was Mick. I’m so sour like cream with chives, and my sperm will make your face break out in hives.”
When they ask for my honest opinion about their new songs, I mutter something about them being “outside the box” and “memorable.” Though my answer is clearly insincere, Wayne seems unfazed.
“This isn’t the only thing I got going on right now,” he says, as the two young celebrities walk me out. “I just did songs with Mannheim Steamroller, something for the new Raffi album, and 16 bars in Spanish on Ricky Martin’s new one.”
Does Wayne ever get overwhelmed by the pace of his high-flying lifestyle?
“Hell, no! This is how I live! I get up in the morning, get my dick sucked four times, drink a Molson’s, and then hang out with Zac. What, do you want me to go to Hawaii for a vacation? You got a job, but this is my vacation right here.”
Adds Efron, “Word!”
I’d be inclined to think this is all a crock of shit, but having seen my fair share of High School Musical and having heard my fair share of Lil’ Wayne, I have to say, those lyrics are spot-on. And this also helps me validate my longstanding claim that Zac Efron always looks stoned.