Entries Tagged 'Katie Holmes' ↓

I sure hope Suri doesn’t hurt herself or get a fever because then our little homegirl will be screwed. Those Scientologists sure are wacky when it comes to parenting:

“Parents are encouraged not to comfort or nurture young children because Hubbard believed children are small adults, able to think and fend for themselves from a very early age. For example, a child who falls and hurts himself is taken to the place where he was hurt and the injury is pressed against the object that caused it. It is believed the pain can be made to flow back into the object.

“‘That’s called a contact assist,’ Teresa Summers said. ‘There is also a fever assist. We were discouraged from seeking medical help or giving medication, even Tylenol, to bring down a fever. Instead, you get the child to hold an object still. That’s supposed to bring down the fever. When it doesn’t work, it’s because you aren’t doing it right or didn’t repeat it often enough. I tried it on my child. Naturally, it didn’t work.’”

If Suri really is simply a small adult and is able to think adult thoughts, I wonder what she thinks? “My ‘dad’ is certifiably insane.” Or maybe, “I worry that my ‘dad’ isn’t mentally stable enough to be a parent.” Or perhaps she thinks, “That crazy cult my ‘dad’ is in is sure gonna fuck me up good. Can I get a little Kahlua in this bottle maybe?”

Oh and also: if loving Katie’s tights + shoes combo is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.

The only time Katie ever looks really happy is when she’s shopping with Suri by herself, and even then it’s probably drug (or freedom) induced - she is an actress after all. But this picture has just been added to the “Katie Holmes Looks Brainwashed and Unhappy” file.

Now, in her defense, it was taken after a lovely dining experience with her husband, Tom Cruise, so I’m assuming she’s probably very, very wasted here because it’s 2007 and you’d have to be wasted to dine with that nutjob.

But I don’t care how drunk my girl is, she looks out of it. I went to college. I’ve seen drunk girls. She’s not just drunk. My guess is that since she’ s signing autographs and being forced to look at lots of glossy photos of her from five years ago, she’s thinking (or at least, the last bit of unbrainwashed part of her way in the back of her brain is struggling to think), ‘Oh, shit. I really fucked it all up, didn’t I?’ And then she gets a little electroshock for even thinking that - hence the grimace.

So there you have it, folks. The team at Scandelirious has gotten to the bottom of this week’s Spooky Katie Holmes Photo.

Much to my disappointment, the older this child gets, the more apparent it is that she probably really is the spawn of Tom Cruise and not just some crazy scientological test-tube baby. The truth is, little homegirl is just too darn cute to be an alien.

Disappointment aside, it’s pretty hard to deny that she’s one of the cutest things you’ve seen all day, amirite? She’s even carrying her own shopping bag!

Here are more photos of Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise on a shopping spree in Paris today:

While part of me really wants to believe that Katie’s probably just drunk, something about these photos really give me the willies. Katie seems so happy when she’s out and about with Suri, but in these photos with Tom taken August 2nd in St. Tropez, she looks dead in the eyes. I’m probably biased because I really, really, really do not like Tom Cruise. But she definitely looks a little downtrodden. Also, the conspiracy theorist in me finds the hovering light over her head a little disconcerting as well.

Here it looks like she’s dreaming of a better life far, far away as he grasps her hand and pulls her along. God, I hate how he does that. Why can’t they just walk around normally? Why is he always holding her hand and leading her around? SO WEIRD.

The look on his face here is SO CREEPY. Someone please save Katie and Suri!

I definitely got caught up in the “SURI IS AN ALIEN BABY” crap for awhile there, mostly because I hate Tom Cruise and Scientologists, but there is no denying cute when it’s thrown in your face like this. This child is freaking adorable! It’s such a shame about her parents being insane and all.

More cute pictures below of Katie and Suri in Berlin..

(Source)

Welllll what do we have here? Looks like TomKat’s doing a little bumpin’ and grindin’. I wonder if this was before or after the CupcakeFest? This photo has Middle School Dance written all over it. I’m not sure what’s more intriguing - the smarminess of Cruise, or the fact that Katie actually looks pretty sexy. And let me tell you, it’s hard to look sexy when a sweaty douche is humping you while dozens of onlookers simultaneously vomit a little in their mouths. I bet those cupcakes were even tastier the second time down!