Entries Tagged 'brilliance' ↓

The only reason I watched this video in its entirety was out of hopes that the dork in the white (Joe Jonas, apparently) would fall once more and make a total ass out of himself on television (or in this case, Youtube) multiple times. I can assure you - he only falls once. It’s pretty hilarious. So you have Scandie’s seal of approval on the first 20 seconds of this video. The rest of it is really lame, though.

Radar Magazine stays true to form with their most recent cover, a photo illustration that spoofs the famous Hollywood Issue cover with Tom Ford, Keira Knightley, and Scarlett Johansson with presidential hopefuls. Rudy Guliani sits in for Ford, Hillary Clinton takes Keira’s place, and a bootylicious Barack Obama stretches out in Scarlett’s spot. Well played, Radar.

Paris Hilton cares about her “best friend” Britney Spears so much that she sent her a bouquet of chocolate roses. Ha! Talk about the most back-handed present ever! Bitch isn’t trying to cheer Britney up - she’s trying to expedite homegirl’s inevitable meltdown! Brilliant.

This whole article is pure comedy. From Actress Archives:

The Simple Life’ star supported the mother-of-two through her split from Kevin Federline in November by taking her out partying in Los Angeles to forget her problems.

Paris said last year: “I love her. She is the sweetest girl I know. She’s so down-to-earth. I just want her to smile and be happy.”
Paris’ publicist Elliot Mintz insisted the pair had become so close they were like “sisters” Mintz said: “What I’ve observed is that we have two extraordinarily powerful women who generate a tremendous amount of attention, money, and adulation and they’re tired of other people trying to ride on their coat tails. Paris and Britney have become like sisters.“

You know, I never thought of it, but they really are like sisters! I know that when my sister goes out wearing shirts as dresses and losing her children because she’s addicted to drugs, I always find the time to support her by sending her a bouquet of chocolate roses. No, wait - my sister’s 14. She doesn’t do those things. And if she did, I sure as hell wouldn’t send her chocolate roses to cheer her up - I’d send her a big can of Wake The Fuck Up and Start Taking Responsibility. Kind of like a can of Whoop Ass, but with less ‘Whoop’ and more ‘You’re Ruining Your Life and Career’.

I won’t try to hide my past as a very, very, very big Tori Amos fan. But I was also in junior high school and lyrics like “racing turtles, the grapefruit is winning” just seemed to make so much sense to me and my budding adolescence. Anyway, there’s still a Tori playlist tucked deep inside my iTunes that I will listen to a few times a year. And I am okay with this.

But for the most part I thought I was completely over this crazy middle aged broad and then I watched this video of her singing about Lindsay Lohan. Oh. My. God. She nails it! The song is called ‘I’m not stupid’ and she actually performed it earlier this summer - before Lilo’s second DUI!

Watch it and then read the oh-so-priceless lyrics.

Just a little chat I need to have
When I was 21 do you think
I had a bag of cocaine in my car?

If I did - if I did
You’d never know it
because it would have been hidden
I’m not stupid!
But why are so many 21-year old millionaires so stupid?
Stupid and cute, but stupid - I don’t know

Let’s just say
When I was 26 (or seven - or eight)
And I was a billionairess
What would I have done?
Many naughty things.
Many, many, many naughty things.
But I would have had a DRIVER!

‘Cuz I’m not stupid, no.
I’m not stupid, no.
Not THAT stupid anyway
‘Cuz if I had been naughty
(I like being naughty)
But I haven’t been caught so far
and I am almost 44

And I’ve done many,
many, many, many, many bad things.
They are hidden inside my *mmm - mmm*
Inside my *mmm - mmm*
So there’s no record or no fingerprints on it

‘Cuz I’m not stupid
‘Cuz I’m not stupid
No, not stupid!