Entries Tagged 'Avril Lavigne' ↓

Here we have Avril Lavigne at the American Music Awards last night. This photo stands out because her eyes are so noticeably red. But why are they red? At first I thought, “Ha ha, Avril’s stoned,” and decided that if I were Avril Lavigne, I probably would need to be stoned to simply put up with being me. Then I pondered all the glitter around her eyes and thought maybe that could be the culprit. What do you think?

I hate to admit it (no, really, I hate to admit this, and will probably experience pain by way of funky karma as a result), but I kind of love the dress she wore on the red carpet. But I’m consoling myself with this admission by thinking that I only love it in relation to what she usually wears. In the grand scheme of things, it’s probably a super shitty outfit - the shoes probably make a lame squeaky sound when they touch each other, the dress really is borderline white-trash-hooker, the eye-makeup is still over the top. It’s just that in her douchiness and overplayed sk8er lameness, she’s lowered the bar a bit.

Oh, Avril Lavigne. You annoy me so much. Even your name annoys me - a punk rawker with a “V” in both the first and last name? Lame. I can see past the pink hair (though you will never pull it off quite the way Rachel McAdams did). But let’s examine some other parts of your ensemb that make you look like a total douche.

Pasties. At least make sure they match your other accessories - they should be shaped like stars, hello.

Hair-Flipping. For a second there I thought she was Chris Crocker, in which case the hair-flipping would not be nearly as irritating. Yes, I realize I’m grabbing at straws here due to my total, unabashed hatred of her, but I don’t care. Hair-flipping is lame.

Body glitter paired with Dr Martens.  Oh, come on, for the love of god. How old are you, Avril? Sure, I may have - at one very low point in my early adolescence - paired some body glitter with Doc Martens.. but you are not even a fucking teenager anymore, Avril. What gives?

Sometimes it’s hard being a celebrity. Really, really hard. It’s hard writing your own music. Hard pronouncing a music icon’s last name. Hard being nice to the people who get you press, who in turn keep your small pool of prepubescent fans happy. Sometimes it’s so hard that a girl has to do a little damage control, and that’s why we at Scandelirious want to help! So sit back, pull up a chair, and let us help you, Avril.

 

1. Dye some hair pink. People like pink. Pink is friendly! How could you not like the color pink? It really is the best damn thing.
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