A few years back my grandfather married a relatively hip South African lady and one of the most memorable things about this woman was her penchant for casual one-piece denim jumpsuits such as the one Alicia Keys is modeling above. At the time (this was in 2003) I forgave her questionable fashion choices because we were in South Africa and I chalked it up to cultural differences, not wanting to place any criticism upon a country still mending from apartheid. She was also really nice to me and made good food. Now she’s stealing my inheritance so it’s an entirely different story, one that far surpasses kindness, cuisine, and fashion transgressions.
But anyway, I digress. The point is, I will not forgive Alicia Keys if she helps perpetuate this horrible fashion trend. Don’t get me wrong.. she actually almost pulls it off (the legs might be a little too wide at the bottom for my tastes), but the thing is that the more people see something like this, the more they will want to try it for themselves. And six months from now everyone will be wearing this shit, and let me tell you, few people can pull this off as well as Alicia Keys (and my step-grandmother). One more sighting of her in such an outfit will put her on Scandelirious Fashion Probation, and on the third occasion she is photographed wearing something like this in public, she will be placed on the Scandelirious Dead to Me list. So I hope you’re reading this, Alicia. You have been warned.
On the plus side, this is in many ways an upgrade from the leopard print dress she wore recently. Her hair looks great!