Here’s Mariah Carey performing at the 18th Annual Glamour Women of the Year Awards. You can see in her eyes how pissed she is that the show’s producers weren’t able to make her silhouette jewel-studded to match the microphone. That’s the most insincere smile I think I’ve ever seen.

I love Amanda Peet. I really do. And I salute her courage for so often not giving a damn and dressing comfortably. But she’s so beautiful! It would be nice to see her dolled up more often, especially if she is aware that she’s going to an event with a red carpet.

Okay just kidding, I have the best friends in the world, I’m sure they only lie to me when absolutely necessary. Anyway, moving onto the actual news story…

It seems that Tom from Myspace (just in case you were wondering, I defriended him within minutes of getting my Myspace account) has been - wait for it - lying about his age. Gasp!

But it turns out that Tom, who, along with cofounder Chris DeWolfe, made a fortune when News Corp. bought MySpace for $580 million in 2005, may have a secret: his real age. According to public documents obtained by NEWSWEEK—including professional license information, voter registration and utility and telephone service applications—Anderson is five years older than he claims. His online profile currently lists his age as 32, but it appears he was actually born on Nov. 8, 1970, meaning he’ll turn 37 next week, not 33.

Rumors about Anderson’s age began to spread last week, when the blog TechCrunch suggested that he was 36 or 37. Anderson and MySpace declined multiple requests for comment, and the company would not confirm his birth date. “I’m pretty bummed out about it,” says 25-year-old Andrew Haynes, a Seattle comedian. “I’ve always taken MySpace with a grain of salt, but Tom was my first friend. It’s kind of messed up that he lied to me.” Either way, he’s laughing all the way to the bank.

It is messed up. Almost as messed up as my 14 year old sister claiming she’s 84 on her Myspace. Dubya-tee-eff, people? Can we not just be honest about how old we are? Anyway, this whole entry is pointless because Myspace is the scum of the earth - Viva la Facebook!!

This guy is just so classy, I can’t help but share more. Apparently he is annoyed that White Oprah has tried to get them to go on her reality tv show.

“ADVICE OF THE WEEK: if your a mom, with 4 kids, the best thing u can do for them right now is have a reality show. WE. DO. NOT. WANT. she had the nerve to ask us to be on. no thanks!”

Riley went on to say, “Our place in ny is getting decked out, cant wait to move.. should be mid-december.”

ADVICE OF THE WEEK, RILEY: If you want to use a condensed version of the phrase “YOU ARE”, the word YOU ARE looking for is YOU’RE.

…. Sorry. The you’re/your and their/there/they’re confusion really, really irritates me.

If you thought he couldn’t get any sweeter (what with his giving his former fiance a fake engagement ring and then cheating on her with Lindsay Lohan in the stairwell of their rehab facility), well, you were wrong - Riley Giles, aside from having a name that screams annoying jock-meets-British-librarian, really is a romantic at heart. Word on the street is that he proposed to Lindsay after she started totally freaking that she’d gotten pregnant. But the street in question here is Star Magazine, so this is probably a bunch of bullshit.

Just when Lindsay Lohan thought she was back on track after finally getting sober, the actress got a major shock that could have threatened it all: According to a source, Lindsay was days “late” and feared she was pregnant with boyfriend Riley Giles’ baby.

“Lindsay was terrified,” the source tells Star. “She’s also gained weight, and she started worrying that it was from being pregnant.”

And while having a child with someone she loves is something that Lindsay has always dreamed about, it’s not the right time, says the source. “She just figured out how to get sober - she’s certainly not ready to be responsible for a child now!”

But when Lindsay, 21, broke down and told Riley she thought she might be pregnant, his reaction was not quite what she expected. “He was actually pretty excited,” says the source. “And he did was he thought was right and proposed on the spot.”

Lindsay’s response? “It literally took her breath away,” says the source. “She was touched, but she knew it was not the right thing to do and turned him down. She told him that she cares for him deeply, but they weren’t ready to get married. Riley totally understood.”

A few days later, Lindsay’s fears were put to rest when she finally got her period.

A few things… 1) She’s probably gaining weight because she has cut back on her cocaine diet. 2) That also might have something to do with the late period. 3) “And he did was he thought was right and proposed on the spot.” - He did was he thought was right? You fail, Star Magazine. 4) WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT LINDSAY LOHAN’S MENSTRUAL CYCLE??, and 5) I’m totally going to make the nickname “R-Giles” happen. Trust.

(Source)

Oh, Avril Lavigne. You annoy me so much. Even your name annoys me - a punk rawker with a “V” in both the first and last name? Lame. I can see past the pink hair (though you will never pull it off quite the way Rachel McAdams did). But let’s examine some other parts of your ensemb that make you look like a total douche.

Pasties. At least make sure they match your other accessories - they should be shaped like stars, hello.

Hair-Flipping. For a second there I thought she was Chris Crocker, in which case the hair-flipping would not be nearly as irritating. Yes, I realize I’m grabbing at straws here due to my total, unabashed hatred of her, but I don’t care. Hair-flipping is lame.

Body glitter paired with Dr Martens.  Oh, come on, for the love of god. How old are you, Avril? Sure, I may have - at one very low point in my early adolescence - paired some body glitter with Doc Martens.. but you are not even a fucking teenager anymore, Avril. What gives?

Here’s Kelly Brook. Wikipedia tells me she’s a model, actress, and “occasional swimwear designer and television presenter”. That’s a lot of prestige. Anyway, she made a lingerie line and if the rest of it looks like what these three drag queens women are wearing, it’s a really unsexy line of lingerie.

Did she intentionally choose these models for the express purpose of making herself look better? Or is she just that gorgeous that other, normal women look homely by comparison?

Wow, Britney really stepped it up last night. Just when we thought she was a lost cause, she turns around and blows us all away with this. I am having trouble putting my finger on the best part of this totally classy outfit. Could it be the mesh cutout? Nah, too easy. Perhaps it’s the mismatched Hooker Dorothy shoes? The feather turtleneck? The desperation of a former popstar turned total trainwreck? It’s so hard to say. But hey, at least she’s wearing a unitard, which means this pussycat won’t be showing hers!

Heidi Klum is just amazing - she always has the best Halloween costumes. This one might be my favorite yet.. which is saying a lot considering last year’s.

I went to a college with the biggest Halloween block party in the country, so I’ve seen a lot of Halloween costumes in my day. Sure, what I saw was a little blurry, but once you see a butterfly slut, or a sailor slut, or a mobster slut - you’ve seen them all. Girls just love to dress slutty on Halloween. It’s the only holiday that really condones it, except for easter. Those little pre-pubescent sluts really go crazy with their easter dresses, let me tell you.

Anyway, what makes Heidi unique is that she is always a slut. Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but she’s a flipping Victoria’s Secret model for chrissake! So in order to be unique on Halloween she has to wear something that’s actually really awesome. And anyone who can be a slut year-round and then awesome-it-up on Halloween is a winner in my book.

I like the new GAP ads. But seeing Will Arnett with wife Amy Poehler just makes me pine for the best show in the history of television (RIP Arrested Development). And it’s always nice to see John Krasinski. Looking directly at me. With bedroom eyes. And that little smirk. In jeans. Oh, god, I love him.