This is my official announcement that we’ll be back - maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the day after tomorrow, but soon.

In the meantime, check out a fantastic new endeavor of mine called JeanJacketsBad - I’ve teamed up with Wendy of WendyWayrad and we’re having a blast writing about non-sleazy celebrities (I know, I know.. oxymoron), music, art, and all the stuff in between.

Wendy Wayrad
D-listed
What would Tyler Durden do?
Yeeeah
Faded Youth
Molly Good
Just Jared

Okay. Work with me here. I saw No Country for Old Men and it was basically brillz (An aside: don’t question ‘brillz’. I’m trying to make it happen. Even though I saw Perez say it a few days ago and a part of me died a little inside.. I mostly just say it because it kind of fake-irritates my boyfriend). Anyway, for some reason I found myself strangely attracted to Javier Bardem’s creepy character. Probably because he made me laugh. And he had a sort of twinkle in his eyes. Sigh. I’m a sucker for guys who make me laugh, homicidal maniacs or not.

Anyway, here’s my new favorite celebrity crush at this past weekend’s 2007 New York Film Critics’ Circle Awards.

Watch out, Penelope Cruz.. I’m a-comin to steal your man….

Those Spicies sure are strange! Consider this your “WTF of the day”.

(Source: Egotastic)

Now, I’m no queen of fashion or anything (hahahahaha), but these ads with Jennifer Connelly just seem… off. Her awkward pose? The colors? Too pale, airbrushed? I don’t know. My great-grandmother used to say, “It hurts to be beautiful,” and while I don’t necessarily disagree, I wonder what her thoughts would be on the issue of being simply uncomfortable for the sake of fashion. Hm.

Here’s Jen dressed head to toe in Balenciaga at the L.A. premiere of Reservation Road in October:

Here we have Miley Cyrus (otherwise known as Destiny Hope, as you might recall) debuting a newer, darker hairdo that gets two thumbs up from the 1.5 (1.25?) person team of Scandelirious. The saucy little red number she has on is pretty awesome too. Well done.

And here… here we have Miley doing her best “There’s a creepy guy behind us, don’t acknowledge him or make eye contact,” maneuver. This is something I think a lot of women can identify with, especially women dressed in bright red satin dresses.

It’s not so obvious here in the photo above, the more obvious thing is the look on the man’s face, but when we take a look at the next photo………..

There you have it. The uncomfortable smile, the itchy desire to look at the female friend clutching your hand in fear. It’s okay, girls. Just keep walking. Don’t make eye contact and just keep walking.

(Photos via Celebutopia)

Wow, homegirl’s really filling out! This is probably one of the last times we’ll get to enjoy new photos of preggers Christina Aguilera.. she’s set to give birth sometime next week. I’m just impressed she’s still in heels. Ouch. They are super cute, though. (Witness below via thumbnails and be impressed with her choice of footwear for her ninth month of pregnancy.)

So these are my favorite songs. I tried really hard not to be one of those elitist music douchebags but I’m not so sure how well that worked out. But this is my list of my favorite songs so if you don’t like them you can fuck off! Yeah!

Also, because I love you and want to expose you to new music, I’ve made each part of this compilation available for download. Just click on the image or the link below each image to download the zip files. Consider it my present to you. Because I love you. I don’t really want you to fuck off.

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=29II57Z0

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FGBNOYZG

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=XM6YWQWE

http://www.megaupload.com/?d=FVOYCPKN

Hello lovely readers. I’m sure I only have about two of you now (if that) since I’ve been on a hiatus these last few months. Oh, by the way, I’ve been on a hiatus. Yeah. I thought about making a post about it, but that strays into tricky territory - if I’m on a hiatus, can I post and say that I am on a hiatus? Does that defy the rules of a posting-hiatus?

Anyway. It’s no matter. The point is, while I probably will continue to disappoint my last two readers with a noticeable absence of celebrity gossip in the coming weeks, I can assure you I will be sharing something much, much more awesome. I’m sure you, dear mother and aunt, are not very excited to know that I am going to be sharing with you my TOP 100 SONGS OF 2007 list, but hopefully some poor souls will stumble upon this site and find some use for the compilation.

I know that this is a gossip blog, and pretentious lists of obscure music is probably not why you stop by once a month to see if I’ve gotten off my lazy virtual ass and shared insight on shallow people with unattainable wealth and idiocy… but I don’t really care. This is my blog, and if it’s going to be vacant I may as well share what I’ve so diligently spent my time working on over the last few weeks. Because I have been working diligently - this list is very, very important to me. Most years I only make a top 20 or 30 list, but this year merited a top 100.

Anyway - carry on. Go back to visiting the blogs that actually give you both news and hilarious commentary. In a few days, if you choose to return, you will find the greatest Christmas present of all - some lovely zip files with all of the best songs of the year, subjectively chosen by your favorite slacker of a gossip blogger. I really can’t wait to share it with you. Stay tuned.

The Orange County Weekly has a disturbing article up outlining the collaboration between - wait for it - Lil’ Wayne and Zac Efron. Yes, I’m serious. The whole thing makes me want to vomit a little in my mouth, but here are some highlights:

“What’s up, my nigga?” Efron says, giving Wayne a pound, a hug, and then, to my astonishment, a full-on kiss, reminiscent of the one Wayne famously gave his surrogate father Baby last year. (Obviously, Efron is going to have to work harder to squelch rumors surrounding his sexual orientation.)

“I’ve been a big fan of Wayne for a long time,” says Efron, emerging from the embrace and cueing up a CD player. “These are the cuts we just finished. Dope, right?”

Fuck it. I’m just going to share the whole article because it’s that absurd. And, for the record, I am completely in love with Weezy F and find his part in all of this very amusing. It’s the Efron part that makes me want to vomit a little in my mouth. Why, Weezy, why??

I wish I could share his enthusiasm, but the songs are a bit jarring, to say the least. On “All for One,” Efron sings the chorus—“Everybody all for one, a real summer has just begun! Let’s rock and roll and just let go, feel the rhythm of the drums. We’re gonna have fun in the sun!”—while Wayne raps: “I’m a dog, you’re all a bunch of fleas on my dick. Driving a Jag, er, like my name was Mick. I’m so sour like cream with chives, and my sperm will make your face break out in hives.”

When they ask for my honest opinion about their new songs, I mutter something about them being “outside the box” and “memorable.” Though my answer is clearly insincere, Wayne seems unfazed.

“This isn’t the only thing I got going on right now,” he says, as the two young celebrities walk me out. “I just did songs with Mannheim Steamroller, something for the new Raffi album, and 16 bars in Spanish on Ricky Martin’s new one.”

Does Wayne ever get overwhelmed by the pace of his high-flying lifestyle?

“Hell, no! This is how I live! I get up in the morning, get my dick sucked four times, drink a Molson’s, and then hang out with Zac. What, do you want me to go to Hawaii for a vacation? You got a job, but this is my vacation right here.”

Adds Efron, “Word!”

I’d be inclined to think this is all a crock of shit, but having seen my fair share of High School Musical and having heard my fair share of Lil’ Wayne, I have to say, those lyrics are spot-on. And this also helps me validate my longstanding claim that Zac Efron always looks stoned.

The Daily Mail has quite the fascinating list of celebrity dressing room requests.

Mariah Carey: Cristal champagne. One box of bendy straws. One special attendant to dispose of used chewing gum. Tea service for eight. A Honey Bear pack of honey. Two air purifiers. Puppy. Kittens. (Why only ONE puppy but MULTIPLE kittens? Seems a little puppyist to me.)

Marilyn Manson: Air-conditioning always on full. Haribo gummi bears. Doritos. Microwave popcorn. Bottle of Absinthe. A bald hooker with no teeth. (All of this seems frighteningly normal until you get to the normal frighteningness of the bald hooker with no teeth part. Maybe it’s because he can’t take his skeleton baby on tour and misses it.)

David Hasselhoff: Life-size cut-out of David Hasselhoff. (This can’t be real.)

Barbara Streisand: Rose petals in toilet. (No, Barbara, rose petals or not, your shit’s still going to stink.)

Keith Richards: A guitar strap. Chicken sandwiches. Diet Coke. Cigarettes. (What more do you need? I mean…. really?)

Jennifer Lopez: White flowers. White tablecloths. White curtains. White candles. White couches. Lowwatt lightbulbs. Coffee to be stirred counter-clockwise. Skittles. (If you stir the coffee clockwise, all of the white decor turns into black decor and you see evil Jlo unleash her wrath)

P Diddy: 204 towels. 20 bars of soap. Two bottles of Hennessy cognac. Two bottles of Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio. Two bottles of Veuve Clicquot. A bottle of Dom Perignon. Grey Goose vodka. Boom box. Bouquet of white flowers. Cheddar cheese and sour-cream chips. Sweet Tarts. A $300,000 bullet-proof Maybach. (What it doesn’t say here is that everything is bulletproof, not just the Mayback. The towels, the liquor, the boombox, hell - even the sweet tarts. Because it’s just not cool to bust a cap in cheddar cheese and sour cream potato chips.)

Apparently Madonna is attempting to make ‘Louise’ happen now that she’s realized two years later that no one picked up on ‘Esther’. Maybe she’s thinking that since Louise is one of her eight middle names it will be a little more legit.

Star Magazine “reports”:

An insider reveals that the singer born Maddona Louise Veronica Ciccone “has started telling us all to call her by her middle name” - after 25 years of being Madonna and then Esther, the Hebrew name she adopted when she began practicing Kabbalah. The latest moniker change “has to do with the fact that she’s having an age crisis,” the insider says about the star… “She says she wants to go back to her roots!” Madonna’s rep denies the story.

Come on. Really, Madonna? The only nickname you ever got people to call you repeatedly (other than “Crazy Bitch” and “Reformed Slut”) is Madge, and you should consider it lucky you even got a nickname at all. Like it or not, you are a historical icon in the world of pop. No one’s going to go out to the club and beg the DJ to play “Louise’s amazing hit, ‘Like a prayer’”.

Oh well. There’s always Veronica if Louise doesn’t pan out.

Other names under consideration: Faith, Chastity, Love, Fate, Unicorn.

Her parents call her Miley because when she was a kid (as if she’s not a kid now), she was “smiley.” I can only guffaw, though I suppose this is to be expected of the man who brought the world “Achy Breaky Heart.”

But I have to say, the kid is kind of adorable, precious name aside:

So, in sum, Hannah Montana is really Miley Stewart is really Destiny Hope Cyrus is really cute.

True story. This is one of those truly amazing and rare pieces of “news” in this redundant and usually slow-moving gossip world. Apparently Bill Nye got a restraining order on his wife after she showed up in the middle of the night dresed in black with toxic chemicals and pranced on Bill Nye’s precious flower and produce garden.

… No. Really.

Bill Nye “The Science Guy” is asking a Los Angeles County judge for protection from his wife, after she pulled a late night raid on his flower and produce gardens. One needn’t be scientific to know that marriage isn’t going well!

TMZ obtained a request for a temporary restraining order, filed by Nye against his wife of just one year, Blair Tindal. In the handwritten documents, Bill claims his estranged wife showed up at his Studio City home on Labor Day, dressed in black and armed with two large bottles “filled with some sort of solvent” to do damage to his garden, which he says provides “food produce.”

And it gets crazier!

Nye also alleges that the herbicide was “quite toxic” and thought Tindall might have squirted him in the eyes with it had she gotten closer. Not very Nyes!

Tindall responded to the order by describing the midnight bad vegetables incident as a “foolish, sophomoric act of poor judgment” brought on by a series of personal and family problems. She also strongly denied being a threat to Nye, and accuses him of “emotional cruelty.” The out of orbit couple wed last February in a curious ceremoy officiated by Pastor Rick Warren, author of “The Purpose Driven Life.”

Well I think she was getting it right up until the part where she decided her best form of retribution was through the man’s effing garden. His GARDEN. At least she dressed in black. But it’s obvious this woman has not tried to fuck with someone since she was, oh… twelve years old. Though it was nice touch to use chemicals to get to Bill Nye (the science guy), of all people. I bet she was all “THIS IS METHYLCHLOROISOTHIAZOLINONE, BITCHES!” and he was all, “OH NO! NOT METHYLCHLOROISOTHIAZOLINONE ON MY PRECIOUS CUCUMBERS AND DAFFODILS!” and he called his lawyer on the spot. We need more pseudo-celebrity crazies like this, I tell ya.

Here we have Avril Lavigne at the American Music Awards last night. This photo stands out because her eyes are so noticeably red. But why are they red? At first I thought, “Ha ha, Avril’s stoned,” and decided that if I were Avril Lavigne, I probably would need to be stoned to simply put up with being me. Then I pondered all the glitter around her eyes and thought maybe that could be the culprit. What do you think?

Note: There is a poll within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post’s poll.

I hate to admit it (no, really, I hate to admit this, and will probably experience pain by way of funky karma as a result), but I kind of love the dress she wore on the red carpet. But I’m consoling myself with this admission by thinking that I only love it in relation to what she usually wears. In the grand scheme of things, it’s probably a super shitty outfit - the shoes probably make a lame squeaky sound when they touch each other, the dress really is borderline white-trash-hooker, the eye-makeup is still over the top. It’s just that in her douchiness and overplayed sk8er lameness, she’s lowered the bar a bit.

The last thing we need is another celebrity scientologist. Why can’t people just google that shit and see how completely insane it is? Oh well - Ush has apparently been brainwashed by his crazy pregnant wife enough already, what’s the harm in adding a little cult-induced brainwashing to the list? I’m sure his wife digs as deep into his pockets as scientology will.

From Star Magazine:

It looks like Scientology is adding another celebrity to it’s ranks… Usher! “He’s so excited,” a source close to the singer tells Star, “He’s in training now.” The reason: fatherhood! “He thinks it’s important to raise his baby as a Scientology,” says the source. Usher, who is expecting a boy with new wife Tameka Foster any day now, is so serious that he co-chaired a $1,500-a-plate fundraiser for both his New Look Foundation and Scientology’s controversial New York City Rescue Workers Detoxification Project in Las Vegas on November 3. The project claims to help Ground Zero workers detox with the help of saunas and vitamins instead of medication. Meanwhile, über-Scientologist Tom Cruise sits on the board of Usher’s foundation, which tries to assist “underserved communities” through social programs.

Just so everyone’s clear here - scientology is a dirty, creepy cult. They do not care about “underserved communities”. They do not care about detoxifying rescue workers. They care about MONEY and ALIENS. And they spend their money on pristine alien underarm hair for John Travolta’s hair pieces. The end.

Oh, Julia - why did you do this? What would compel you to be such a douche? Was there a fire? Bloody orifices? Only douches park in the handicapped spot when they are not in fact handicapped. I suppose I could crack a joke about how her idiocy has rendered her handicapped, but usually she seems so down to earth and sensible.. but there’s just no excuse for this kinda crap. No excuse. Julia Roberts, you have made everyone at Scandie quite disappointed-face today.

The only reason I watched this video in its entirety was out of hopes that the dork in the white (Joe Jonas, apparently) would fall once more and make a total ass out of himself on television (or in this case, Youtube) multiple times. I can assure you - he only falls once. It’s pretty hilarious. So you have Scandie’s seal of approval on the first 20 seconds of this video. The rest of it is really lame, though.

I am so giddy with excitement about the new season of Project Runway. We’re talking one week, people! November 14th can’t come any sooner. I spend a lot of time bashing television in general - especially reality tv - but I can’t deny my love of Project Runway.

Heidi Klum is adorable, Tim Gunn is hilarious and heartwarming.. and the contestants are so passionate about clothes. It’s just great. Anyway, the Season 4 kickoff / fashion show was last night and I was really impressed with most of the looks!

I have to start this out with Heidi because I love her dress. She’s also wearing a lot of her clover-inspired Mouawad jewelry line.

This was possibly my favorite, but it’s hard to see why without being able to view the back of it. It’s lovely.

20+ more photos after the jump!! 

(more…)