Entries from November 2007 ↓

This guy is just so classy, I can’t help but share more. Apparently he is annoyed that White Oprah has tried to get them to go on her reality tv show.

“ADVICE OF THE WEEK: if your a mom, with 4 kids, the best thing u can do for them right now is have a reality show. WE. DO. NOT. WANT. she had the nerve to ask us to be on. no thanks!”

Riley went on to say, “Our place in ny is getting decked out, cant wait to move.. should be mid-december.”

ADVICE OF THE WEEK, RILEY: If you want to use a condensed version of the phrase “YOU ARE”, the word YOU ARE looking for is YOU’RE.

…. Sorry. The you’re/your and their/there/they’re confusion really, really irritates me.

If you thought he couldn’t get any sweeter (what with his giving his former fiance a fake engagement ring and then cheating on her with Lindsay Lohan in the stairwell of their rehab facility), well, you were wrong - Riley Giles, aside from having a name that screams annoying jock-meets-British-librarian, really is a romantic at heart. Word on the street is that he proposed to Lindsay after she started totally freaking that she’d gotten pregnant. But the street in question here is Star Magazine, so this is probably a bunch of bullshit.

Just when Lindsay Lohan thought she was back on track after finally getting sober, the actress got a major shock that could have threatened it all: According to a source, Lindsay was days “late” and feared she was pregnant with boyfriend Riley Giles’ baby.

“Lindsay was terrified,” the source tells Star. “She’s also gained weight, and she started worrying that it was from being pregnant.”

And while having a child with someone she loves is something that Lindsay has always dreamed about, it’s not the right time, says the source. “She just figured out how to get sober - she’s certainly not ready to be responsible for a child now!”

But when Lindsay, 21, broke down and told Riley she thought she might be pregnant, his reaction was not quite what she expected. “He was actually pretty excited,” says the source. “And he did was he thought was right and proposed on the spot.”

Lindsay’s response? “It literally took her breath away,” says the source. “She was touched, but she knew it was not the right thing to do and turned him down. She told him that she cares for him deeply, but they weren’t ready to get married. Riley totally understood.”

A few days later, Lindsay’s fears were put to rest when she finally got her period.

A few things… 1) She’s probably gaining weight because she has cut back on her cocaine diet. 2) That also might have something to do with the late period. 3) “And he did was he thought was right and proposed on the spot.” - He did was he thought was right? You fail, Star Magazine. 4) WHO THE FUCK CARES ABOUT LINDSAY LOHAN’S MENSTRUAL CYCLE??, and 5) I’m totally going to make the nickname “R-Giles” happen. Trust.

(Source)

Oh, Avril Lavigne. You annoy me so much. Even your name annoys me - a punk rawker with a “V” in both the first and last name? Lame. I can see past the pink hair (though you will never pull it off quite the way Rachel McAdams did). But let’s examine some other parts of your ensemb that make you look like a total douche.

Pasties. At least make sure they match your other accessories - they should be shaped like stars, hello.

Hair-Flipping. For a second there I thought she was Chris Crocker, in which case the hair-flipping would not be nearly as irritating. Yes, I realize I’m grabbing at straws here due to my total, unabashed hatred of her, but I don’t care. Hair-flipping is lame.

Body glitter paired with Dr Martens.  Oh, come on, for the love of god. How old are you, Avril? Sure, I may have - at one very low point in my early adolescence - paired some body glitter with Doc Martens.. but you are not even a fucking teenager anymore, Avril. What gives?

Here’s Kelly Brook. Wikipedia tells me she’s a model, actress, and “occasional swimwear designer and television presenter”. That’s a lot of prestige. Anyway, she made a lingerie line and if the rest of it looks like what these three drag queens women are wearing, it’s a really unsexy line of lingerie.

Did she intentionally choose these models for the express purpose of making herself look better? Or is she just that gorgeous that other, normal women look homely by comparison?

Wow, Britney really stepped it up last night. Just when we thought she was a lost cause, she turns around and blows us all away with this. I am having trouble putting my finger on the best part of this totally classy outfit. Could it be the mesh cutout? Nah, too easy. Perhaps it’s the mismatched Hooker Dorothy shoes? The feather turtleneck? The desperation of a former popstar turned total trainwreck? It’s so hard to say. But hey, at least she’s wearing a unitard, which means this pussycat won’t be showing hers!

Heidi Klum is just amazing - she always has the best Halloween costumes. This one might be my favorite yet.. which is saying a lot considering last year’s.

I went to a college with the biggest Halloween block party in the country, so I’ve seen a lot of Halloween costumes in my day. Sure, what I saw was a little blurry, but once you see a butterfly slut, or a sailor slut, or a mobster slut - you’ve seen them all. Girls just love to dress slutty on Halloween. It’s the only holiday that really condones it, except for easter. Those little pre-pubescent sluts really go crazy with their easter dresses, let me tell you.

Anyway, what makes Heidi unique is that she is always a slut. Don’t get me wrong, I love her, but she’s a flipping Victoria’s Secret model for chrissake! So in order to be unique on Halloween she has to wear something that’s actually really awesome. And anyone who can be a slut year-round and then awesome-it-up on Halloween is a winner in my book.

I like the new GAP ads. But seeing Will Arnett with wife Amy Poehler just makes me pine for the best show in the history of television (RIP Arrested Development). And it’s always nice to see John Krasinski. Looking directly at me. With bedroom eyes. And that little smirk. In jeans. Oh, god, I love him.

Wearing a maternity frock straight out of Jennifer Lopez’s closet, Christina ‘I’m Totally Shopping for Baby Furniture And Will Never Announce My Pregnancy’ Aguilera continues to shock us all with her abhorrent eye makeup. Is she trying to overcompensate for her burgeoning belly? What is her makeup motivation? Does she think that by making her face noticeable (in the same way a flaming car wreck surrounded by midgets is noticeable) we will conveniently ignore the fact that she’s, oh, six months pregnant? That’s not how it works, dear. But if it helps you get through this difficult time of emotional mood swings and swollen feet, then go ahead and give yourself two black purple eyes. We still love you.

Hello! Scande (as I like to call it) is not, in fact, “dead”. Shame on you for thinking that, by the way. Haven’t you just had a week from hell before? I’ve driven all over the east coast, helped a friend through a massive breakup, suffered a bout of food poisoning that would make grown men cry, celebrated my lovely mother’s birthday, blacked out on bathroom floors on drinking benders - I’ve been a busy girl. But of course - OF COURSE - I still love you, dear readers. So now that things have settled down some, I have come back to you to help you sort through all the best celeb news.

Here’s Liv Tyler with her husband and son in NYC yesterday, dressed up for Halloween. Well, I’m hoping it’s for Halloween. Speaking of which, I bought three bags of candy to hand out last night and you know how many little punks showed up to take my candy? One. And I didn’t even know what the hell he was supposed to be. He looked a little like a Power Ranger but he had a light saber. WTF? And he kept talking about how I merely lived in one of two doors in a big building. Way to rub it in my face that I don’t live in a big giant house and must share the building with neighbors who either play music, watch things, or play games so loudly on the weekends that the sound throbs through the walls and past my $150 professional quality noise-blocking headphones. And way to not bring friends along. I hate Halloween.