Entries from August 2007 ↓

I’m not sure if I quite understand what’s going on these pictures. I mean, yes, I get that they’re really turned on by the act of grocery shopping - something I enjoy but not quite like that - but I don’t care how much I love my man, we do not make out in the produce section. This sort of passionate embrace would be so much more believable if it weren’t stationed in front of Campbell’s soup.

At this point I think it’s safe to say that Mary-Kate Olsen really just doesn’t give a shit what you think about her fashion choices and doesn’t want to be normal. And you know what? I kind of love her for it. In fact, part of me thinks that both of these girls seem like people I would like to hang out with. Maybe it’s because lately it seems like she may have actually purchased a brush. Or maybe it’s because both of the twins have been smiling so much more. Either way, I won’t question how many scarves she has on or how many purses she is carrying or the fact that she is wearing, of all things, a top hat. Instead, I will focus on her pretty hair, pretty smile, and the cute outfit that’s hiding underneath all those scarves (though they look more like table runners to me).

Oh, no. Wait. That’s not really breaking news. According to Celebslam:

Rocker Ted Nugent went off on Presidential candidate Barack Obama Tuesday night during his concert at the Anaheim House of Blues. While waving two assault rifles in the air, Nugent called Obama a “piece of shit” and a “worthless bitch” before yelling that he should “suck on [my] machine gun.”

Look, dude, don’t be angry at Obama. Be angry at whatever friend/voice inside your head told you that wearing hunting gear as stagewear was a good idea. But I suppose that doesn’t matter considering your audience, right? Either way, I’m still trying to process his little speech at an NRA convention in 2005:

“To show you how radical I am, I want carjackers dead. I want rapists dead. I want burglars dead. I want child molesters dead. I want the bad guys dead. No court case. No parole. No early release. I want ‘em dead. Get a gun and when they attack you, shoot ‘em.”

Awww, what a ray of sunshine, a real winner. At least when celebrity liberals get nasty they usually back up their insults with some sort of reasoning instead of simple, ignorant namecalling.

Here’s Christina Ricci looking hot in August’s issue of C magazine. Does anyone else find it hard to believe that she’s 27? I remember her in Now and Then. Actually, just thinking about that movie has put the entire soundtrack in my head. Goddamnit.

“Before I work with Lauryn Hill again, you will have a better chance of seeing Osama Bin Laden and [George W.] Bush in Starbucks having a latte, discussing foreign policies, before there will be a Fugees reunion. At this point I really think it will take an act of God to change her, because she is that far out there.”

-Pras on why a Fugees reunion will never happen

But it does. Maybe because I was one of the few people who occasionally stood up for the girl. At the very least I was fairly neutral about her.

But now? Now I can’t stand her her. This is enough to tip me over the edge. Because I hate Family Guy. With a passion. I think Cartman from South Park (which is a quality animated series, people, and I am not joking when I say that) really sums it up for me.

“Don’t you ever, EVER compare me to Family Guy, you hear me Kyle? Compare me to Family Guy again and so help me, I will kill you where you stand! Do you have any idea what it’s like? Everywhere I go: “Hey Cartman you must like Family Guy, right?”, “Hey, your sense of humor reminds me of Family Guy, Cartman!” I am nothing like Family Guy! When I make jokes they are inherent to a story! Deep situational and emotional jokes based on what is relevant and has a point, not just one random interchangeable joke after another!”
-Eric Cartman, Cartoon Wars Part I

Fast forward a bit into this clip to see for yourself… because it truly is a beautiful moment in television history.

Much to my disappointment, the older this child gets, the more apparent it is that she probably really is the spawn of Tom Cruise and not just some crazy scientological test-tube baby. The truth is, little homegirl is just too darn cute to be an alien.

Disappointment aside, it’s pretty hard to deny that she’s one of the cutest things you’ve seen all day, amirite? She’s even carrying her own shopping bag!

Here are more photos of Katie Holmes and Suri Cruise on a shopping spree in Paris today:

 Judd Apatow interviews Paul Rudd in Interview magazine:

Apatow: Did having Michelle Pfeiffer as your leading lady create any problems with your wife?

Rudd: It didn’t at all. In fact, the very first day, I had this scene where I was supposed to be making out with Michelle Pfieffer. I told my wife, “Look. I want you to know that I am going to be making out with Michelle Pfeiffer today, and I will be thinking about… Michelle Pfeiffer.” My wife’s response was that when she makes out with me she also thinks about Michelle Pfeiffer.

(Source)

I mean, how could you not be with an outfit like that? It looks like something from Xenu’s very own clothing line! Comes with your very own purse filled with volcanic ash!

However, thanks to Wikipedia, I have learned today that you can’t judge a book by its bright colors and futuristic cut.

This is Tovah Feldshuh, who is in fact Jewish and not a scientologist (phew, we don’t need anymore scientologists). She’s also a distinguished actress, having portrayed Katharine Hepburn and later co-starring in the internationally acclaimed miniseries Holocaust in 1978.

Now I’m torn with feelings of relief (because she’s not a scientologist) and disappointment (because she really looked like one). Oh well.

A few years back my grandfather married a relatively hip South African lady and one of the most memorable things about this woman was her penchant for casual one-piece denim jumpsuits such as the one Alicia Keys is modeling above. At the time (this was in 2003) I forgave her questionable fashion choices because we were in South Africa and I chalked it up to cultural differences, not wanting to place any criticism upon a country still mending from apartheid. She was also really nice to me and made good food. Now she’s stealing my inheritance so it’s an entirely different story, one that far surpasses kindness, cuisine, and fashion transgressions.

But anyway, I digress. The point is, I will not forgive Alicia Keys if she helps perpetuate this horrible fashion trend. Don’t get me wrong.. she actually almost pulls it off (the legs might be a little too wide at the bottom for my tastes), but the thing is that the more people see something like this, the more they will want to try it for themselves. And six months from now everyone will be wearing this shit, and let me tell you, few people can pull this off as well as Alicia Keys (and my step-grandmother). One more sighting of her in such an outfit will put her on Scandelirious Fashion Probation, and on the third occasion she is photographed wearing something like this in public, she will be placed on the Scandelirious Dead to Me list. So I hope you’re reading this, Alicia. You have been warned.

On the plus side, this is in many ways an upgrade from the leopard print dress she wore recently. Her hair looks great!