Lohans’ story kind of lame

I suppose we should count ourselves lucky that the two youngest Lohans — boys, from what I gather — are either blessed some sense of propriety or are actually illiterate. Little Ali Lohan threw her two cents into the fray today, and, God love her, she was almost convincing. Sure, she misspelled a few words, but she’s 13. Someone send the kid a Speak & Spell and she just might make it.

“I’ve wanted to say this for so long and get this out there and let everyone know that our family is like a normal family but of course we are put under a microscope because of lindsays fame, lindsay will be fine she is just going through a rough time right now but she will be fine. i know this for a fact. My sisters is just like a normal sister. her and I have so much in common. My mother and sister are huge insperations to me, they have made it through so much in there lives.” (24sizzler.com)

I guess “normal” is relative. But that is not all! Oh no, that is not all!

Dina Lohan’s rapport with Entertainment Tonight has earned one of their plucky correspondents, Gina Glickman, the dubious title “Lohan insider.” And you know, I really believe that she is. Who else would a mother trust in times like these? So, in the line of duty both to ET and to Camp Lohan, Glickman relays their side of the story, which culminates in this illuminating passage:

“When the cops arrived, there were so many people in the parking lot that they automatically zoomed in on Lindsay. Apparently the altercation took place at about 1:30 a.m. Lindsay was strong-armed into taking a breathalyzer test. They say the cocaine was not Lindsay’s; she was wearing someone else’s pants. ” (ET Online)

Uh, what? Someone else’s pants? She was wearing someone else’s pants? The law doesn’t care about borrowed pants, kids. Cocaine in your girlfriend’s pocket is cocaine in your pocket if you’re wearing her pants. And all pants talk aside, she was still drunk, still driving, still involved in a weird altercation.