Christina Aguilera needs makeup rehab

Wearing a maternity frock straight out of Jennifer Lopez’s closet, Christina ‘I’m Totally Shopping for Baby Furniture And Will Never Announce My Pregnancy’ Aguilera continues to shock us all with her abhorrent eye makeup. Is she trying to overcompensate for her burgeoning belly? What is her makeup motivation? Does she think that by making her face noticeable (in the same way a flaming car wreck surrounded by midgets is noticeable) we will conveniently ignore the fact that she’s, oh, six months pregnant? That’s not how it works, dear. But if it helps you get through this difficult time of emotional mood swings and swollen feet, then go ahead and give yourself two black purple eyes. We still love you.