The post where I use stereotypes and superheroes to celebrate my return

Hello! Scande (as I like to call it) is not, in fact, “dead”. Shame on you for thinking that, by the way. Haven’t you just had a week from hell before? I’ve driven all over the east coast, helped a friend through a massive breakup, suffered a bout of food poisoning that would make grown men cry, celebrated my lovely mother’s birthday, blacked out on bathroom floors on drinking benders - I’ve been a busy girl. But of course - OF COURSE - I still love you, dear readers. So now that things have settled down some, I have come back to you to help you sort through all the best celeb news.

Here’s Liv Tyler with her husband and son in NYC yesterday, dressed up for Halloween. Well, I’m hoping it’s for Halloween. Speaking of which, I bought three bags of candy to hand out last night and you know how many little punks showed up to take my candy? One. And I didn’t even know what the hell he was supposed to be. He looked a little like a Power Ranger but he had a light saber. WTF? And he kept talking about how I merely lived in one of two doors in a big building. Way to rub it in my face that I don’t live in a big giant house and must share the building with neighbors who either play music, watch things, or play games so loudly on the weekends that the sound throbs through the walls and past my $150 professional quality noise-blocking headphones. And way to not bring friends along. I hate Halloween.